If I needed to go somewhere – mostly medical appointments – I would rely on my husband or my mom to take me there, wait for me, and take me back home – back to where I felt safe. This went on for about two years. But then something happened. I began to get well. Slowly but surely I began to venture out of the house for other things. I joined line-dancing. I joined yoga and attended rubber stamping workshops. Then I needed more rides. I needed my van back.
Well, the timing worked out. My son (now almost 21) just bought his first vehicle. I now have my van back. I've discovered it's a double-edged sword. Yes, I have my own vehicle and I can drive myself wherever I need to go whenever I need to do it, but with it comes my anxiety of driving and of doing things in public – especially alone. People don't always understand my anxiety, but it's very real and very restrictive. With having my van has also come more responsibility – to drive my younger daughter places and to get myself to places, alone.
Some days I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, but it's nice having the vehicle in the driveway just waiting for me in case the urge strikes. I'm enjoying my new-found independence.