I’ve found over the years, that those of us with bipolar disorder feel things deeper and more strongly than the average person—that’s certainly true for me. It’s harder to deal with things like grief, sadness and anger. I’ve been struggling with sadness and anger for the past year. I thought it would have subsided by now. It hasn’t. Not really. I suppose the fiery edge has been lessened but the underlying feelings have not.
They say it takes time. How much time? And who are “they” anyway? I’m trying to fight my emotions by staying busy and keeping healthy. I’ve just started editing my first fiction novella. It’s called Imagine. It is a romance tale about a woman with bipolar disorder. It’s your typical romance, but it has the added element of bipolar being woven through it. It will likely take a few months to edit and prepare it for publishing. I will be sure to let you know when it is available.
As well, I have joined yoga and line dancing at our local recreation centre. Not only are these two classes great exercise, but they also give me a chance to socialize with others—something I find very difficult. Every time I head out to a class, I feel the anxiety build. But I push through it, and so far it’s been for the better.
And finally, I spend a lot of time during the day with my Mom. We go out for breakfast or lunch and run errands together. It’s fun. We enjoy each other’s company. She’s a good outlet for my feelings—just as good as any therapist I think. I also spend time interacting with friends on Facebook and Twitter—some of which I know personally, others only on-line—either way they are friends. And you can never have too many friends. I also have a couple of real-life friends I actually visit from time to time. My evenings are generally reserved for my family—when everyone is home.
All of these activities help keep my mind off my troubles. They serve as a distraction to my sadness and anger. I wear a mask of sorts. On the outside, I’m doing well. I’m up, dressed, out of the house and interacting with the world. On the inside, I’m suffering. Anniversaries heighten feelings. They have a way of making the wounds so fresh. I sincerely hope that someday this pain will dissipate. I suppose “they” may be right. Perhaps it will only take time. I hope I have enough.