Then, though, is the emotional side of my brain. That’s the side that gets out of whack. The side that expects more of myself, and the side that gets upset and creates tears. I want to be alone, yet I feel lonely. I want to do more, but I’m exhausted. I want to go places and do things, but my anxiety stops me. I want friends, but they don’t understand. And most of all I want to work, but my bipolar prohibits me.
My bipolar took a lot from me. I can’t remember half of what has changed – it took my memory too. Decisions are impossible. Where to go for dinner is a life-changing event. I have to keep two calendars just to have a chance at remembering an appointment. I used to be the most organized person I knew, but now I’m scattered. I need to remember the positive – how well I’m really doing. Because I am. But even so, times like now, bipolar will sneak in and take over. I have to remember, this too shall pass.